


With Friends Like These...

by SoulJelly



Category: DBZ Abridged, Dragon Ball
Genre: DBZ Abridged - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Masturbation, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 01:57:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulJelly/pseuds/SoulJelly
Summary: "DBZ Abridged. Vegeta wants some "alone time", but Ghost Nappa won't shut up." Another old dragonkink fill.





	With Friends Like These...

Namek wasn't going well.  
  
It was too green, for one thing. Vegeta had never seen a more boring planet, and yet despite everything looking exactly the same, the seven orange dragon balls didn't stick out like a sore thumb like one would have thought.  
  
He was bored, frustrated and the elation of killing Cui had long worn off. Vegeta needed a way to relax that didn't involve blowing things up for once. So it was that minutes later, the Saiyan prince was settled against a cliff face in a sheltered alcove, hand enclosed around his length as he bucked his hips and focused on jerking himself off.  
  
His breath came out in harsh pants, permeated by groans and gasps, and sweat rolled down the side of his face. He'd forgotten how good it felt, and let go of all his inhibitions as he concentrated on the task at hand.  
  
Then suddenly he heard something that sounded vaguely like a cough and froze, eyes darting to the sides. The feeling of being watched crept upon him, and Vegeta stilled his hand.  
  
Growling in frustration, he pressed his back to the rock behind him, hoping that whoever it was would pass by unnoticed. He couldn't get any peace on this stupid fucking planet. If anyone caught him in the middle of jerking off, he'd have to kill them... well, okay, that was no big deal. But Vegeta would rather not partake in his killing with his spandex halfway around his knees and precome on his gloves.  
  
And if it was Zarbon... that didn't bear thinking about.  
  
Without warning, the voice sounded right in his ear. " _Vegeeeeetaaaaa..._ " Vegeta shouted in surprise and toppled forwards, landing face-down in the grass.  
  
"Hey, Vegetaaaa."  
  
The voice. That fucking _voice._ Always at the most inopportune times. Nappa had managed to make the act of being annoying into an art, and maybe he shouldn't be so surprised that the large Saiyan had carried on his ways into the afterlife. Whatever God existed up there had probably found him so annoying that he'd sent Nappa back to provide Vegeta with some pre-emptive punishment.  
  
A large vein twitched in Vegeta's temple.  
  
"Nappa, I'm trying to... I'm busy, will you go and haunt someone else?"  
  
"Sorry, Vegeta." The apparition shrugged. "You're the only one that can see me. I think. Besides, you didn't use your manners." Vegeta cringed as Nappa's ghost wagged a reprimanding finger at him. "And that's not very prince-like you know."  
  
"Get lost."  
  
"Aw come on. We travelled in space together for twenty years, it's nothing I haven't seen."  
  
"Wh-what? When did you-" Oblivious to Vegeta's growing expression of horror, Nappa happily blundered on. "But hey, what's better than being haunted by your best friend right?"  
  
Vegeta spluttered in confusion and rage. "Friends? What? Where did you get that idea? I hated you! I still hate you!"  
  
Nappa pouted and Vegeta could have sworn that tears were welling in his eyes, if that wasn't impossible for a ghost and all.  
  
"Nappa."  
  
He sniffed. "Yeah?"  
  
"You're an idiot."  
  
"You're not very nice, Vegeta."  
  
"Of course I'm not!" One white gloved hand gripped spiky black hair, and Vegeta's erection had long since waned, whilst the usual familiar rage was slowly rising. Whatever he did, he mustn't blast anything. Must not blast, must not... it wouldn't shut Nappa up anyway. The thought, though rational, wasn't in the least bit comforting.

"Hey, Vegeta."  
  
Through gritted teeth, the prince replied; "What?"  
  
"I'm bored. Want to play a game? I'll start! I spy, with my little eye... something beginning with T!"  
  
Vegeta wriggled as he hitched his pants back up over his waist, before slumping back down onto the ground. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long breath. There was a long silence in which Nappa waited for Vegeta to guess, and Vegeta stubbornly ignored him. Finally growing impatient, Nappa spoke up again.  
  
"Vegeta? Vegeta?"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Guess! Something beginning with T. It's a tough one."  
  
"Something beginning with T. On Namek."  
  
"I'll give you a clue. There are lots of them."  
  
The vein in Vegeta's temple twitched dangerously. He needed to invest in more effective therapy, but for now perhaps it couldn't hurt to play along. Maybe if he did, Nappa would finally go away.  
  
"Oh, how difficult. Let me think," Vegeta replied sarcastically. "Is it... a tree?"  
  
"You got it Vegeta! Now it's _your_ turn."  
  
Vegeta folded his arms over his chest and stared out despairingly at the empty landscape. When all of this was over he was going to take a vacation with his newfound immortality and damn if he wasn't going to enjoy it.  
  
Just play along, he told himself. This can't last forever.  
  
"Vegeta?"  
  
"Goddamnit, Nappa."


End file.
